The Cross Road Memory

Riverside, Wyoming.

Summer of 2019, I found myself on the road, departing from Colorado and heading to Riverside, Wyoming.

Change- this trip came at a time when things were becoming to shatter and expand all
at once- Breakthrough, Resets, Disruption of what no longer could be. I’m not saying this out of resentment, sadness or nostalgia but simply recalling the memory of what was and what I’ve realized in hindsight.

We got there from Boulder- we stayed in a small apartment on Sunshine Canyon Road. This name still makes me smile- it did fit my persona.

We drove through the lands of Colorado, crossing borders into Wyoming- sceneries from out the window were slowly changing. It was more land, flatter and snow was holding on in some parts of the road.

We parked the car on the side of this “cross road” to contemplate the stillness and the sense of freedom opening before us.

I’ll always remember that feeling of being fully present in that moment -in-between the concrete road and the piled-up snow surrounded by wilderness.

I felt free. But I’ve always felt free. Nature only accentuated that feeling.

That was probably the difference between Kevin and I, I could be free wherever I was- in the middle of a hustling and bustling city or by a lake in the middle of the woods.

I knew freedom was not a place but a feeling you keep alive by being in motion.

Kevin loved the wilderness, the mountains and the trees- the city was never meant for the boy- it turned him away from his nature.

He was still figuring himself out in the best way he could- through reading, working out, taking trips in nature and spending time with his family in Upstate New York.

I started seeing the shift when we started going more frequently to REI, a camping and outdoors store. Every weekend, somehow we would stumble upon the three-floor Lower East side Store. Ironically enough, this store happens to be in one of the busiest areas of the city and yet, he would find solace on those weekly trips.

Timing is everything. Sometimes I think if we hadn’t met, he would have likely left to his place long ago.

Our trips to the wild west were only opening the door to more separation between us- we were growing together but apart. As bittersweet as it was at the time, we kept it flowing because we weren’t ready to leap into this “free-flying” phase.

There was always a lot of laughter, joy, kindness and respect- but sometimes loves means letting go and supporting each other going into different directions.

Wyoming was what prompt me to write about this memory and these times.

After that short stop, we jumped back into the car and played country songs, the one that comes to mind is always “Jolene”. The road was unfolding wider and a few hills made their appearance from time to time.

I remember those electric poles on a portion of our drive there, they looked like a long series of giant crosses- leading our way into Riverside, a small town of 40 souls in rural Wyoming.

The further we drove the more I felt separating myself from all the times that collided at once- past was behind, present was transitioning, and future was the end of it. Our crossroad was soon coming to an end.

There are memories that crystallize and embody a moment of transition and change- like symbols and signals for what is to come or why it became.

Standing at a crossroad isn’t comfortable but it teaches you to see your own way.

And perhaps, as I like to tell myself, the price of admission for a meaningful life is having the courage and leap of faith to lean into discomfort.

-by A.C, November 2021, Train notes from DC to NY. Edited in March 2022.

“See all them blue lights, they ain’t your friendsThey’re bound to get you, but in the endI’ll show you all the tricky curves and what you need to swerve around
But you don’t take nothin’ without gettin’ bruised
See, there’s always somethin’ that you’re bound to loseAnd it’s usually goneBefore you know (…)”

We’ve had our fun- Tyler Childers

The Road is Life.

The word for Woman is Wilderness. By Abi Andrews

Don’t always try to find meaning in the future, be in the now and trust the process.

Our life is filled with experiences, encounters, creations, losses- like the flow of an unknown river- we don’t know where life is taking us nor what will come next. As human beings, we seek for purpose and meanings in everything we do, in every interaction we have- it’s normal we are seeking connections in our world of intertwined webs.

The first couple sentences of this page made me smile.

The accomplishment of a life takes time, work and sometimes moments of being lost because we don’t understand why we are “doing it”.

Live your life to the fullest, easier said than done I know but try everyday to listen more to your inner voice, the one that calls you to follow routes that can be scary because of the works it will require.

Paving the road, your road, isn’t easy- it’s hard, it can be solitary but it’s worth investing in it- nothing is a straight line, nothing is easy- you’ll get bruises to your soul but the road is life.

You have to pave the way to encourage others to find their voice(s), we are not one but many. Our accomplishment in this world can only be done through selfless dedication to your calling, to your passion- just do it and you’ll look back down the road smiling to the self you were back then.

Nourish your brain, your soul and your heart- believe in yourself- the seed is here awaiting the day the roots connect to the soil to become the tree it long desired to be.

By A.C

Dream on

Everyone has dreams and it’s everyone duty to impulse that magic dust: we can make these dreams possible. 

I realize that this discourse can seem somehow disconnect from what we, as a nation and me, as a citizen of this world, are seeing daily in the media.

When everyone looses faith in themselves, in the power of the people to make a difference and have a voice in the decisions that are made, you’ve gotta be the one rising above and make people realize that there are beauty and magic surrounding them.

-By A.C

L’éloge du silence

Nous sommes obsédés par la forme, par le juste mot. On pense qu’on peut tout dire et que chaque mot saura exprimer ce que notre esprit voudrait articuler. Et pourtant parfois, ces choses, ces mots se perdent et se détachent.

Plus rien ne fait sens si ce n’est que notre contemplation du silence.

Les randonnées en forêt sont propices à ce sentiment que dans le calme, en l’absence des mots, on est en paix.

Rien n’a besoin d’être dit, puisque tout est là, en présence de soi, de l’autre peut-être et du vivant qui nous entourent.

Des pensées nous traversent, elles ne font que passer. Ce que la nature a de plus beau à nous offrir c’est la possibilité de nous détacher de nos croyances, de perdre la parure de scène que nous revêtons, pour être soi. Au fond, que dissimulons-nous derrière nos discours, nos chimères, nos peurs peut-être.

Le reflet d’un être qui a perdu son enracinement dans un trop plein d’illusions que nous pensions nécessaire a notre ascension. Atteindre le sommet c’est prendre de la hauteur pour réaliser la grandeur et la beauté des domaines, des êtres qui nous entourent.  Il est ensuite de notre devoir de redescendre parmi les nôtres pour partager et raviver la beauté perçue du haut de cette montagne.

La peur de l’échec, du miroir, nous pousse à commettre l’irraisonnable, l’insensé : devenir autre.

N’ayons crainte du miroir, de la remise en question.

Notre vie sur terre n’a pas pour fonction d’être linéaire et graduelle, il faut souvent sortir de la route tracée pour créer son propre chemin.

-A.C

« Sur le pont du Thor, j’ai senti parfois un gout vert et fugitif d’un bonheur immérité. Ciel et Terre étaient alors réconciliés. »

Counter thoughts: Take it slow☕️

Last week as I was walking to get some groceries, I was on the phone with a friend.

Strolling the streets of my neighborhood, with the grocery store as my destination.

Little did I know my route would change because of a smile: as I was about to cross the street, an elderly woman gave me the biggest smile .

She was resting one hand on the wall and the other holding her cane and little bag.

I couldn’t just walk by so I stopped asked if she needed help to go somewhere, she smiled and looked at me saying “ you sure you got time?”.

We walked for a good 30 minutes, spoke in a mix of Spanish/English- I soon learned she had been a 42 years old resident of the East village, she grew up in Wahaca, Mexico and when we met she was walking back from her dialysis that she does three days a week for 5 hours.

I left her at the corner of her street, she had the biggest smile. Little did she know, I was the one grateful for the life lesson she reminded me of “things go fast but sometimes you gotta take it slow: open your eyes to the world around you and take the time to be present.”

By A.C

Stillness, Paris February 2019, by A.C

The most interesting store in New York City

Growing up, everything is fascinating, you create your own adventures and stories with the little things that surround you.

Going to school was probably my first ever realization.

Sitting in the classroom, starring at the window and « my head in the sky » as we say in French- how could we stay inside when the world out there was so magical and Alive.

Yet I never felt bored because I realized that you can create escapes through your own imagination ( head in the sky remember), when I would start feeling trapped or bored, i would face the requirement of the class ( often maths) and give it another take through finding fun in it: make it my own. Authority has always been a struggle of mine, especially in education- I believe we can take away kids ability to dream when we impose a too rigorous education to them.

Replace boundaries by security and you’ll realize all that a child need is love, security and care to go on to the world, make this life their own.

I’ve learned to operate in this mode as I became an adult ( what does that even mean?): being able to take a step back and approach a situation with a hint of creativity, curiosity and care…

Anyways, just like this picture, everything and anything can be interesting you just have to bring your today inner child spirit to reveal what’s beneath the surface.

By A.C

Lower East Side discoveries, February 2019, by A.C

When a subway ride changes everything.

“I have plenty of machinery around me; what I really need is a more enchanting world in which to live and work.”  Thomas Moore,

This morning, I took my time and read the NYT.

I found myself skipping through the daily mess this country has been encountering since 2016.

Anyways, politics isn’t the topic here. It’s about people and it’ll always be.

Yesterday was the third Women’s March, all across the country, people marched, United and Driven to make a difference.

You all know me by now if you’ve read my recent articles, I’m a big advocate of the Voice. What does it mean? Everyone has the power to speak up, make themselves heard- All voices matter. 

In the midst of this American, if not worldwide, turmoil, I come across an article about this 78 years old blind magician who performs in the New York subway- changing the way you think of your commute- and probably the way you look at others.

This is what we need, we need to reignite magic in people’s lives. Everyone has/ had dreams and it is everyone’s duty to impulse that magic dust: we can make these dreams possible. 

I realize that this discourse can seem somehow disconnected from what we, as a nation and us, as citizens of this world, are seeing daily in the media. When everyone looses faith in themselves, in the power of the people to make a difference and have a voice in the decisions that are made, you have be the one rising above and make people realize that there are beauty and magic surrounding them.

We just have to be willing to see it and share it.

Just like the blind magician performing in the NY subway, you have to approach people as if there eyes were blindfolded by a series of statements and events that tie them to a certain reality. You’ve got to lead the way for each and everyone to see and recognize « it »- creativity is the key.

In a world of unilateral perceptions, open the world of possibilities- you’ll see it’s beautiful.

By A.C

Article by the NYT: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/11/lens/a-blind-78-year-old-magician-finds-a-new-stage-new-yorks-subways.html

Having a seat at the table

I’ve always been a people person: understanding, listening with care and offering solutions to move forward. Growing up, we don’t always teach our kids, especially our girls, to stand up for what they believe in, to speak up and think highly of themselves. It’s something you eventually learn through experiences and time but still struggle to find if you were meant to take that stand.

I see it today in companies. Our working environments are changing, with tech industries booming and changing the lay of land with new products that will transform the way we interact and think about ourselves. We’ve used variations of old business models to get to where we are now: companies, start ups are offering work environments where you “can come as you are”, preaching values like being an owner, a humble coworker and quick learner. We go fast, we want to see rapid growth and make our products better, more efficient and suitable for our customers needs.

We go fast. It has became a natural pace for those working in these industries. There’s hardly enough time to analyze the way how some quick decisions will have a long lasting impact on the company’s identity, route and culture.

We say young people are shaping the future and yet we often tend to repeat the same patterns, models that we’ve used in the past, except here, it is in a new structure where the pace is catching up.

The system is broken and we all know it. Like the writer facing a blank page, we are terrified at the thought to create, to “start from scratch”. Experience is undeniably valuable. Like I said in my early words: listen, watch and analyze what you are witnessing but when it’s time for you to take a stand: don’t be afraid, we all have something to learn from one another.

If the system is broken, that means there is a world of possibilities out there that is awaiting to be created. There is no right way but only your way: discipline in learning the skills, listening to those who have experience and learning from them. Then it’ll be time for you to break away and start questioning your learnings, take distance and be creative in your approach.

More importantly, in a world where the fast pace of life is catching on us: take your time, be confident that you are doing the best you can and follow your intuition ( we don’t do it enough). You know you have your seat at this table and if it’s not now, it’s coming.

When it’s time, don’t run away but be bold and take the stand.

Your voice is worth being heard.

By A. Covarrubias

The Calling of the Artist

L’artiste c’est celui qui donne un son, une forme, des couleurs, des mots et des saveurs à sa vie intérieure.

En chacun réside une vie intérieure qui prend forme dans nos rêves, nos créations, nos échanges avec les autres. C’est notre jardin secret, notre univers.

Nos sociétés actuelles ne nous accordent pas toujours la possibilité de partager ce qui pourrait enfin nous rapprocher les uns des autres. 

Il nous faut nous élever par delà les émotions collectives qui nous pousseraient à ne pas partager nos singularités et à créer des murs là où nous devrions créer du lien. 

Il nous faut toujours œuvrer pour cultiver une authenticité du lien, ce qui nous rapproche les uns des autres. 

« Le monde est ma provocation » disait Bachelard -la réalité me provoque et je provoque aussi cette réalité à travers mes idées et ma créativité consciente.

Je choisis délibérément de ne pas emprunter la route conventionnelle, la ligne droite, mais de prendre des chemins transversaux qui offrent des possibilités auxquels nous n’aurions pas été exposé autrement.

Nous avons toujours le choix d’être regis par les structures et d’être régisseur, ou plutôt acteur et créateur du mouvement de celles ci.

Comme le décorum de la ville et des structures qui le constitue, on oublie souvent les espaces qui existent entre ces bâtiments: L’entre deux, le monde de tous les possibles.

Tout est perméable et prêt à être traversé, comme chacun, on est toujours et sans cesse en train de se recréer au gré des structures qui l’entoure, qu’il côtoie.

Agissons tel un artiste, redonnons du sens à ces structures symboliques, matériels, institutionnels.

La voix créatrice, la vie intérieure de chacun doit se faire entendre, voir et ressentir.

Nous sommes chacun des microcosmes dans un univers où nous sommes tous liés, en interaction avec chacun.

La manière d’interagir relève à chacun de manière individuelle.

Osons créer. 

By A.C

People, People, People

Started the morning reading Brené Brown last book called
« Dare to Lead » .

A dear friend took the picture of the cover and said « you should read this »
nothing more.

As I turned the pages, I couldn’t help but connect and relate to what was written about people, vulnerability and how do you make the most out of the relationships you create.

Vulnerability has always been to me a trait of character that doesn’t refer to being weak or lost but rather an attitude of humbleness and a capability to show up even when yourself , you don’t know the answer.

Trust and Respect should be at the core of any relationship whether it’s work related, friendship, loved ones.
We are able to show these values in our behaviors and small gestures.

When you get in a certain « level » in your career, in your life, you also need to know how to come down of the mountain
(are you really at the peak?)
because that’s where all answers can be found: amongst the people.

You ask a true leader where we are going with the company, he’ll tell you I don’t know but we’ll get where we need to be if you are willing to hop on the journey.

It often is hard for anyone to find balance between emotions and rational thinking~ it’s normal as human beings we sometime feel the need to make sense of our decisions, be very rational about them without enabling emotions and intuition to find their place. This stems from a lack of security and confidence in our capacity to change the way things can be done. You make the difference, you have to trust yourself.

Vulnerability helps us bridge both, we know we have something to achieve and yet we don’t have the answers or solutions to drive it to where it should be. Step into the world with humbleness and trust ( most and foremost in yourself) knowing you’ll get the answers somehow.
You are in the unknown and we all are:

we are just People, People, People.

-by A.C